I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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