you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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