did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm both gender and math confused
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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