Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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