One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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