I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
