That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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