Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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