Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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