Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
