Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
