ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
