Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
