o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
