I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
