Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you never un-have a 4some
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
