Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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