I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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