who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he fucked my hip out of place.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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