Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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