you traded sex for a burrito?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
