And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
