shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
