its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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