All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
