Just cropdusted the office
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
