I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
