I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
