In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
PANTIES FOUND
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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