I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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