Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
