Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
