Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
