M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
