Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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