you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize