too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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