He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize