I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
