I want to have your abortion
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize