Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
