I'm gonna have a badass scar
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
