Me too!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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