So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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