I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
