will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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