Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
