So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
