Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
