its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
