He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize