It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
