I need help removing her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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