She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
