It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize