sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
