Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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