Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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