he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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