Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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