break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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