Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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