just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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