that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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