i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
